Monday 31 December 2007

Free shirt!

Digg this

I weigh 198.8lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198.4lbs.

I am somewhat disappointed by this as it was not a small visit to Ivor, but I'll take things as they come. As I said yesterday, Jim broke our scales, so we went to Boots for some new ones.

The queues in Boots were enormous and most of the shelves were entirely bare. What is wrong with people? Anyway, the scales were out of stock, so I bought some smaller ones and, without expecting it, recieved £15 cash-back for the inconvenience.

So I went to Next and bought a rather natty shirt to go with the flat-cap from Matalan.

I now look very much the man about town.

I weigh 199.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198.8lbs.

Today is the day for small poos it would appear ;¬( In other news, Christmas day saw my lowest ever number of visitors to this site. That said, I had my laptops upstairs, out of the way, but there were a lot of you, and I mean a lot, who had nothing better to do than read about my poo.

Bee-jesus!

Sunday 30 December 2007

An adventure.

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Somehow Jim has managed to break the scales. They are happy to admit that I have applied pressure, lighting up their display in the normal manner, but they refuse to register my weight as anything more or less than 0lbs. This cannot be right. I only bought the first set of scales back in June and I had to replace them soon after that as well.

She doesn't know how she broke them, but I am now in serious trouble.

I get dressed quickly and head out to the Range, which is the closest source of weight-measuring apparatus I know of. Sadly the Range has an opening time of 1030hrs and I have an expected opening time which falls far sooner. It's a ten minute walk to Boots, but it takes more like 15 with stomach cramps.

Of course, Boots doesn't open until 1100hrs. Bum! Back to the Range.

I am sitting on the railings outside the Range and people are starting to arrive. I have never really hung around outside a non-essential store in this way and I am amused by the kind of clientèle who do. The highlight for me was the elderly lady who just kept complaining to the rest of us that "I was told ten." I am utterly at a loss to explain why she keeps telling us this, in stark contrast to the large 10:30 sign in the door, but it seems to keep her from dissolving in her rage.

Eventually we are allowed in and I weigh myself on some very expensive digital scales at a frankly shocking 202.6lbs. Sadly I am not out of the woods yet.

The gents is out of order. There is a padlock on the door.

Now I am not a man to be got down by these things and I spare not one second on the morality of my actions, before I charge to the disabled facilities, drop my trousers and sit. What it was that made me reach for a piece of paper before attending to the deed I do not know, but I can only thank the Lord that I did so. Pinching it off before it can escape I re-dress and leave - things are getting desperate now.

One thing I will say for Matalan: their customers have good bladder and bowel control - not a single lavatory in the place.

Thankfully, despite not being able to get hold of medicines or nik-naks, the residents of Exeter are able to go ten pin bowling whatever the hour of the morning.

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I am having a poo
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The facilities are not bad, although there is no soap in the dispenser, and I make my way back to the Range to weigh myself at 200.8lbs

I have also arranged for a painter and decorator, whom I am related to, to come on Wednesday and do some work (Yay!) and am now going to take the old scales back to Boots with a fearful level of complaint in my heart.

In other news, Harry the hamster went back to his owners' last night, which has left my bedroom eerily silent.

Saturday 29 December 2007

Home again!

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RAIN! SO much rain it is just silly. About 3 miles out from my parent's house and I was driving through around 3 inches of surface water and nearly turned back. Eventually I stopped at Matthewparker and Ayse's for a cup of tea whilst the storm blew itself out.

Now I am at home and I weigh 197.5lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 196.3lbs and am still eating ham.

On a walk this afternoon a young lad (well, about 28) cycled past the pushchair and the children without holding his handlebars. This annoys me - I am a cyclist and I know how, especially off road, things can suddenly go horribly wrong.

"Hold on to the handlebars with both hands when you cycle past my children, if you would!" I shouted.
"What did you say?", replies the somewhat unexpectedly angry young male.
"TWO HANDS past the babies please!"
"I've only got one fucking hand."

Now I have not sworn this badly before in this log, but yes, he only had one fucking hand.

My point stands regarding cycling past children without holding on, but I don't really think I can get away without a little embarrassment here.

Friday 28 December 2007

Second Christmas

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Team Manley are visiting Grandma and Old Man for a second Christmas. Sadly the smallest members are all still ill, so visits to the Great-Grandparent and Great-Great-Aunt have to be postponed.

Still, a night with a television is an unusual draw for me - presumably it is the very lack of such a device in my life which makes it so enthralling when one is present, but Kill Bill had me enraptured in an orgy of visual stimulus.

Food, presents, food, booxe, food, family fun, food, walks, food, sleep and food all around.

I weigh 90.8kg according to Old Man's scales, so about 200.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 89.6kg, so about 197.5lbs

Wait! I was deceived!

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 197.2lbs.

Time for some more food, methinks.

Thursday 27 December 2007

Back to work.

Digg this

I weigh 197.1lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.9lbs

I am also back at work. I was a bit lonely this morning and annoyed that nobody else was here, but Matthewparker turned up just as I became annoyed and My wife, children, friends and acquaintances should be coming to meet me for lunch as well, so all is well.

Mammoth poo this morning though, eh? Have a beetle opener:

Wednesday 26 December 2007

Boxing day?

Digg this

Exeter City 4:3 Torquay United

I weigh 193.3lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.8lbs.

We have had Jim's parents here since Christmas eve and now have Tom and Charlie-boots. We also had Matthewparker and Ayse on the eve and Team Gibbard on Christmas morning.

As with yesterday, only having two days off means that I don't want to waste them here (sorry, I love you all, but at the end of the day, you cannot leave me and take half my house with you).

I understand that the King George Chase was dull though?

Tuesday 25 December 2007

Ho. Ho. Ho.

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I have a lot to say about Christmas.

I want to enjoy it though.

I weigh 195.7lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.9lbs

And now I am going to play with my children some more.

Monday 24 December 2007

I have a beautiful face!

Digg this

I weigh 192.8lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.2lbs

It is Christmas eve and I have arrived at work to find that a server fell over last night.

That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I checked (after prompting) last night and failed to see that it had happened. I am not quite sure how.

Anyway, it's quite nice in the office. There are only the CTO and myself here and he is an amiable chap. Sadly I have plenty of non-seasonal work to get done for a client in the new year, but such is life.

By working over Christmas I can have days off in the summer which I would otherwise not be able to have. Working is a small price to pay.

I weigh 197.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 196.8lbs

Yesterday I was paid a compliment. A lady told me that, well , I'll let her tell you:

I am 62, well nearly 62, so there is no embarrassment for me to say that you have a very beautiful face. You should wear your hair up more often, you are a very beautiful young man.

Do you hear that?

Young!

Sunday 23 December 2007

Bomb threat!

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Well, an interesting start to the day; after being really very unwell yesterday I am merely feeling under the weather now and I elected to head off to ring the bells for the last time before Christmas (I don't do campanology on Christmas day - I stay at home with my family).

First of all I had to nuke the children's hair. One of the biggest problems with school age children is nits. I can completely strip the eldest child's head of lice and eggs (they show up very clearly in her very blonde hair) and the next night she is crawling with them again. My approach to this is that I empty her head of them every night - it is strange having a child with lice but no eggs - and then at half terms and school holidays I nuke them.

Things have changed a lot since I was a boy and a bit of orange smelling shampoo killed off a headful of lice. These days those weaker lice are all dead and what remains is a super breed. I have tried many, many products, from the full on chemical attack through to hippy remedies and electric combs and trust me, 12 hours of prioderm is the only thing which kills the eggs, at least of our Exeter lice.

Lice are the bane of any parent's existence and anyone who tells you that their children never et them and stand aloof is either a liar or is too idle to check their children. Excluding the common cold for a moment, head lice infestation is a more common infestation all the other childhood communicable conditions combined with around 20 million people suffering at least one infestation each year.

Anyway, this done I defrosted the car and toddled off to church. When I got there, after accidentally thoroughly scaring a young mother who had left her lights on - in the early morning mist I thought it was my light reflecting on her car and proceeded to flash my lights in an attempt to extinguish them, following which Marky turned up and we walked towards the church past her car, at which she sent her child running off and locked herself in the vehicle - I found that the church was still locked.

Now, there is a rumour that there is a key hidden somewhere for the outside toilet, but I have never found it. I proposed, since the graveyard was already being used as a urinal by our resident retired policeman, to try once again to locate it. Instead I found a bomb.

Lent up against the rear door of the church, held in place with a rock, was what appeared to be 7 candles, held together in a roll by some string and coated in red wax. Poking out of the top of this was a fuse. To begin with I though that this eas merely some sort of toy, but when I cut the wax away with my trusty Opinel I found what resembled thunder flashes inside.

Now, explosives on their own are not going to do a whole heap of damage, but this was a fair old size - about the size of a 500ml can of McEwen's 80/ (and not at all the size of any other canned beer at all, ever, no siree) or, indeed, 7 full sized candles - so it could potentially start a fire or put out the church window or, at the very least, throw the rock on top of it a goodly distance.

Lacking a suitable open space to set it off in, I decide to call the police in to deal with it. Sadly, reporting IEDs takes a fair old time, so I miss raising the bells and have to deal with the church warden.

Many years ago a young man came into church one morning and then left, before the service and with a handbag he had not arrive with. This has bred the sort of paranoia within the church that those who cling to authority and power thrive on. The outcome is that self appointed officials hang around the entrances and exits with the sole aim of shouting at anyone who leaves a door unlocked.

As I am standing outside the bell tower door, trying to finish my conversation with the bomb-squad switchboard operator, along comes the warden who steps through the door as I make room for her and tries to lock me out. I have to try to carry out two conversations at once as the policeman is asking me for details and trying to ensure that this is not a hoax and I am also fighting a losing battle against bloody mindedness. No matter that I am standing right outside the doorway, just think who might break in whilst the door is left unlocked.

Eventually I place my foot in the jam of the door and with a friendly 'Do you mind terribly minding your own business?' the warden is seen off and my conversation with the officer, who clearly cannot believe that I could be making this up and is sending out a van, comes to an end and I make my way up to the ropes for a ring, making sure to lock the door behind me. No sooner have I closed the trap door when I hear what can only be referred to as 'a kerfuffle'.

Two police officers are trying to get through the main door of the church, but the church warden is trying to explain that the service doesn't start until ten and they will have to wait. That ridiculous situation bypassed by means of being an overly aggressive copper, I take the officers to where I have hidden the device (not wanting to bring it indoors or leave it for kids to find), they inspect it and it is taken away with surprisingly little difficulty.

I manage to squeeze back in the door just in time before the zealot shuts it (this is no feeble writer's licence, she was at the door, in the act of closing it on my approaching form) but then am harangued. No matter that the device was discovered before the warden arrived, I should not have taken any action without informing her, because I am the church warden, I need to know everything.

I am ashamed to say that I raised my finger and eyebrows as if I were about to speak and then, as she paused to hear what I had to say, turned on my heel and walked away from the battleaxe.

A successful ring later I took the car up to the university where I know of a tree which is infested with mistletoe, then down to the pines to collect a scuttle-full of pine cones for the fire and off to the woods for a decent chunk of holly.

I weigh 191.9lbs.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.3lbs Not too dull a start to the day - I might think about some lunch in a bit.

Saturday 22 December 2007

Bloody ill.

Digg this

195

193.8

Very ill.

No poo yesterday

Thursday 20 December 2007

Christmas is coming and Manley's getting fat.

Digg this

Who'd want to sped a penny where the old man shat?

I weigh 202.8lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 201.3lbs

Despite a Chinese meal last night and an Indian take-away this evening, I did not need to visit Ivor until nearly eleven o'clock this evening, yet I still appear to be somewhat overweight, even by my standards from before I changed my target weight.

I also really do not care.

I had an alarmingly productive day today and will have to put in some serious apathy time if I am going to get back to a normal standard.

The problem with working in a US-centric industry is that I find myself staying up until midnight to chat with Merkins about engine behaviour when I really should be in bed with my wife.

Damn, but I'm just too good.

Best part of today? We were listening to the 12 days of Christmas and the bit about Geese, what is that? Seven?

No, That's Maids a milking. Hmm. 7 swans a-swimming - SWANS! what was I thinking about with the maids, eh? 7 swans a-swimming 6 geese a-laying, 5 go-old rings. I could have stopped when I realised it was 6, but I like the gold rings bit, it always brings me out in Christmas cheer.

Anyway, I digress, we were at day six or, at the very least, on one of the later days and just passing through the laying geese, en-route back down to the inevitable partridge, when the server suddenly and catastrophically died.

This resulted in a transformation of the office from a subtle, warming, Christmassy hue to a hard-house techno delight as we were exposed to a full four minutes of GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!GEESE!

Imagine the annoying boy from number 12, the one who always wears that beige check scarf and the silly jeans that he obviously hasn't got a belt for, with the music turned up in his 1989 Peugot.

That's what we got. It was sublime.

Wednesday 19 December 2007

Radio clips and finally dressing

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Yesterday I stayed at home and I managed to stay in my dressing gown, and nothing else, right through the day.

My plan was to complete the whole 24 hours which constitute Tuesday without getting dressed at all.

I weigh 192.8lbs.

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I am having a poo
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I weight 191.7lbs.

The Dagnall coming to visit last night was a mixed blessing. It's always a delight to see the chap, he's a good friend, I like him a lot and spending time with the Dagnall is never tiring as some friends can be (as anyone who considers My Lordship a friend can attest to). On the flip side, he rocked up at about 2130hrs, right when I was on the final straight to bed time and, with my goal in sight, I had to don some trousers.

I was half tempted to stay at home today just to try again.

My children, as I have been saying, are appearing in a radio advert and today it went live. Any UKRD radio station should be covering it and, with Ayse, Matthewparker, Kate, Ben and the Dagnall visiting last night I insisted we listen to Pirate FM until we heard them.

If you wish to inflict it upon yourselves then it is available via the Savebuckets.com media page, where you can also see a nice video of My Lordship in arm-bands. Follow the 'Sounds of Savebuckets' link and they are the two jingles with the word 'Kids' in the title, the longer version of which is here.

I weigh 200.2lbs and am about to eat Chinese food.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 197.2lbs and I am going to bed.

Tuesday 18 December 2007

Voices like angels!

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Well, first of all, I won't be going into work this afternoon after this, I feel certain.

I weigh 190.8lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 189.1lbs and I was right - my stomach is dodgy and I don't want to inflict that on those with children at Christmas time.

In better news, my older two children will be featuring across all UKRD radio stations as of tomorrow, in an advert for www.savebuckets.com.

I have got the mp3, but I shall save that for tomorrow - it's decidedly awful, but that is what they were going for.

Proud dad!

Save a whole load of money, Save Buckets.com

Digg this

I have been up all night. My middle child has diarrhoea and is too young to wipe herself, so every 15 minutes I was up cleaning up the mess. Added to this, the baby woke up every time I left the room and screamed all night long.

Being the loving husband that I am I swapped places with Jim so that she could get some sleep - no point in both of us being awake and it's far better I get ill than she does, what with breast feeding and all that jazz.

Anyway, now it is morning and time for me to visit Ivor. Fingers crossed for some semblance of solidity, eh? I weigh 192.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 189.5lbs, which is nice, but consistency is not good. I am working from home this morning to look after the sick daughter, but I still can't really afford to get ill.

If nothing else, in all the rushing around, I might miss a weight.

In other news, the video we made back in November is now done:



Happily, the draft version we put up at www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEViLNawe3Y is the 21st most linked to and the 62nd most viewed comedy youtube video this week.

And the URL has EViL in it ;)

The video is also available here: www.savebuckets.com

Monday 17 December 2007

Purple poo!

Digg this

This morning I weigh 192.6lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 192.1lbs. My wife only weighs 96.1lbs, which is quietly alarming. Surely I should not be twice as big as another full grown human being?

Anyway, on with the blog. Last night, and I should prepare you for this by telling you how little I enjoy beetroot in its usual non-pickled forms, I ate:

  • 2 roast beetroot

  • 1 boiled beetroot (baby food - I hate this stuff)

  • 454grams of pickled beetroot, including the vinegar

Now, I was linked to by this Greenfingers chap some time ago and I have only just gotten around to following up on it.

As far as I am concerned, boiled beetroot can just go right to hell. Were I the devil or, let's at least be a little realistic about this, a minor demon, I'd want boiled beetroot to annoy the denizens with.

Tyrells do excellent beetroot crisps which they, quite legitimately, describe as Like little works of art, Tyrrells beetroot chips are as beautiful as they are tasty. Hand fried in small batches, our beetroot chips can be found in the Tyrrells hall of fame – as a 2004 Silver Gold taste Award Winner. For myself though, I'd say that, although the beetroot ones are my favourite, they work so much better when combined with the carrot and parsnip crisps in the Hand Fried Vegetable Chip packet.

Delicious crispy goodness best bought from Green Ginger

So, to experiment. I weigh 196.4lbs.

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I am having a purple poo
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I weigh 195.4 and yes, it was purple as can be!

Purple!

Sunday 16 December 2007

Friends return from distant climes.

Digg this

Matthewparker and his lady friend have returned from sunny Cyprus.

Little do they know that I weigh 191.9lbs.

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I am having a poo
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The Dagnall has come to visit as well, so we can all eat impala and Bison sausgaes and roast chicken together. Everyone else weighing in at considerably less than my own 190.5lbs.

vbloke has made this:



I am not sure what I think about that.

Saturday 15 December 2007

More tea vicar?

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Well, it's time to arrange for our newest daughter's Christening.

I weigh 196.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.4lbs.

The vicar came to visit to discuss this and Jim managed to avoid too much contact. As a non-believer, she fully supports my decision to have my children accepted as members of the church, but she always feels awkward around vicars after the chap who was to preside over our wedding tried quite aggressively to convert her. Which is fair.

Anyway, we are sorting this all out for the 3rd February now, which is nice. I must do some work now, but I have no doubt that I will talk about this more.

Godmothers:
Trina
Charlotte

Godfathers:
Thomas
Benjamin

That's about it, I guess.

Friday 14 December 2007

I'm dreaming of a giant marshmallow

Digg this

Just like the ones we used to know.

I got my bike back!

It is amazing!

I weigh 192.5lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.5lbs

I am sooo excited about my bike it is just untrue.

I weigh 199.6lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198.2lbs

The bike shop let me take the frame away and spray it before they put the new forks etc. on it and they saw how excited I was, so they have stripped it and had it powder coated, got original decals from Dawes, put new wheels on, put leather bar tape, a leather seat and cork bar ends on - they have given me gear shifters on the brake levers, all new grey cables, new rings, front and back - basically I have my old frame straightened and powder coated, my old seat post and my old clipless pedals.

It looks amazing and I need to get pedals now as, well sod it, who cares about clipless when she's that beautiful?

Additionally I went ice skating at the Eden project yesterday, where I learnt that I am not good at ice skating, but I fall well.

I lso got excellently drunk last night.

Wearing a father Christmas costume bears huge responsibilities which I had not considered when I set out this morning.

I learned things, I decorated my car, I had a Land Rover roll back into the front of me, I learned that wearing a Santa outfit when means you have to behave, I learned that red felt leaves convincing bloodstains on ice, I saw fantastic foliage and I have better music taste than Banana.

Thursday 13 December 2007

Oh what a Christmasphere,

Digg this

Leaving Russ Abbott aside, and I think we all agree that this is the best course of action,

today is the day that the techies have their picnic.

We are all off to The Eden Project, and I have to take this opportunity to tip my hat to Dave's dad for his work there at this juncture, where I believe there has been talk of ice skating.

Last time I went ice skating, Jim got pregnant. Since there are no females in our company at all at the moment, I am hoping to get away with it Scott free this time around.

As I have a seven seater Delica, I am driving, as is Benji in his Land Rover (why we need off road vehicles for the A30 I couldn't say, but there you go!).


Click for big

I have a Father Christmas outfit and have installed Christmas lights and tinsel in the car, as well as filling the retracting roof panels with crackers which I can then release during the journey from the front.

I hope it all goes well! I weigh 194.1lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 188.7lbs.

Now that's a good start to the day.



UPDATE:

I weigh exactly 200lbs.

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I am having another poo
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I weigh 199.5lbs - Father Christmas outfits are heavy. I'm not wearing one yet, of course, but they are heavy.

Wednesday 12 December 2007

Working from home.

Digg this

Somehow I find timekeeping harder when at home. I started working at about ten to nine this morning and, apart from eating some lunch Jim prepared for me and putting the girls to bed, worked right through to midnight.

I weigh 193.5lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.5lbs

I find that I work better at night as well, which is odd. Perhaps I am secretly an American?

Tuesday 11 December 2007

Negative poos!

Digg this

On Saturday I carried a fridge-freezer home on my own. It was behind a wall
so I pulled it up by standing on top of the wall and lifting it vertically 4' (about 1219.2mm) first.

I am an idiot really, considering my previous spinal injuries, but I am loathe to cross Jim when she's, well . . awake, really.

Around twenty to nine last night I was quite suddenly in a quite considerable amount of chest pain. It was on the right, almost in my side, about 4 finger widths below and about 2 finger widths out from my right nipple and there was no way I could drive.

After speaking to the doctor I arranged for Ben to drive me to the hospital where some tests showed that I was not using my right lung properly.

I am not a doctor, but the overall impression I got is that I tore the muscles between my ribs lifting the fridge-freezer and, presumably because I kept up the strain, blood was able to fill the (small) voids in the tear and, somehow, act as padding.

What happened last night seems to have been the blood escaping from the tears, resulting in catastrophic pain.

Since this is all attributable to carrying a fridge freezer across the road, it probably wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't for the fact that the new one is now being delivered on Thursday and this one taken away.

Anyway, a bit of pain isn't worth blogging about, but it is relevant to my central theme. It is pure chance that this should happen in the 3% of my life to date which this experiment will constitute when complete.

I have a strange habit of laughing when in pain. The ridiculousness of being incapacitated always grabs me. This is particularly idiotic when I have a chest injury because, in a cruel and vicious circle, the more I laugh, the more I am in pain and the more I laugh. Given that I was actually vomiting from pain at one point last night this seems daft.

Certainly the doctor seemed somewhat confused, but he countered with 'you haven't heard the best bit yet', upon which he produced a suppository.

Now, given the importance of all things faecal at the moment, I immediately asked if I could do it.

I think the doctor was a little put out that I did it myself. He reacted badly, as if I was calling him gay and that bothered him (which it would not have done me) but the truth is that I wanted to be able to stop if it hurt, if you know what I mean? Sometimes it's easier to bear discomfort if you carry out the procedure yourself. It's a shame because he was a nice doctor.

It took me two attempts and, if anyone wants to know anything about suppositories, then I'd offer this advice:

Suppositories are cold.

I weigh something in the region of 195lbs

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I am inserting a suppository
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I weigh around 500mg + a small amount of what looks like candle wax more.

It being morning now, I actually weigh 196.5lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 194lbs and was pleased to note that, what with it being 13 hours later, I will have absorbed all the pain relief by now.

By way of an apology for an unusually graphic post, I shall leave you with a Toy Dolls track which frankly has an appalling video:

Monday 10 December 2007

Cabbage curry.

Digg this

Last night our vegan friends visited and I made a cabbage curry.

I think that you can guess at the results.

I weigh 194.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 193.1lbs

Fridge Freezers abound.

Digg this

As we arrived home last night my good lady wife noticed that the family across the road were moving out and that they had a fridge-freezer which they no longer wanted.

I was dispatched to collect this.

I will say this in Jim's defence: at no point did she tell me I had to carry the appliance. I did however carry the appliance. I also defrosted and installed it.

Then on Sunday I took Jim shopping for a Fridge Freezer.

I liked this black one, but in the end I couldn't justify paying £82 extra just to have it in black with a chrome sign reading 'Daewoo' on the front, so we settled for the This better value which a white version offered.

It arrives on Thursday, I am a lot poorer and it had better be good enough. I want an American style side-by-side jobby, but they seem to all be too deep, so that's right out.

I weigh 196.7lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 195.7lbs My back hurts.

Saturday 8 December 2007

Mitchell ahoy!

Digg this

Last night our friend Thomas turned up at around sevenish from wherever he is avoiding the law from at the moment. I always find it best not to ask, since I have no desire to be in any position to pass the information on.

Of late he has been far from contactable, having thrown one telephone in the sea whilst out on a short voyage and then, in an attempt to demonstrate the waterproof qualities of the replacement, proved only that advertising is not all it is cracked up to be.

I weigh 193lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.4lbs.

Poor Thomas is trying to sleep in the living room, but I can hear the children pestering him from here. I think they may be forcibly providing him with the means to break his fast, which, since they are far more likely to be providing him with muesli or fruit and fibre than a snout and a cheap imported lager, cannot end well.

Friday 7 December 2007

Surprise Christmas dinner!

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For lunch today we went out to Tai Pai Dong,
a Waggamamma style noodle bar, but much better.

When we got there it was fairly full and, since there were 7 of us, we decided upon the pub and proceeded there, icking up Matthewparker's girlfriend along the way.

[EDIT: Ickling up? I meant to say 'picking up', obviously - thanks to Jason for the proof reading service.]


At the pub we were given a hearty welcome and lead to our table, which was festooned with crackers and Christmas regalia.

It turns out that there was a communication error at the pub and our Christmas Lunch, booked for the 17th in the downstairs calender, was booked for today in the kitchen. Because we are important customers (apparently?) the chef had gone to the trouble of coming in early to start on the consommé.

So, as you do, 8 of us had 30 courses and I am feeling warm and lovely.

I weigh 198.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 195.2lbs

I still have a love-bite on my forehead.

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I weigh 192.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191lbs

Now, this is difficult.

I have made a short, amateur and badly done film. I think it is funny, but it is most definitely rude. I want to share it, but I do not want to offend anyone.

It is NSFW because it contains the F word, both in text on the page and being sung in the video.

I am going to link to my NSFW film, but please remember, it is rude.

If this makes no sense to you and doesn't seem at all funny then I will point you at the sources:

The Peaches song, within the context of Jackass 2 Contains swearwords (sung) and prosthetic nudity.

A British children's programme from the 1980's Is lovely and contains no swear words or nudity at all, not even prosthetic. I only link it as it might spoil the umour otherwise.

Thursday 6 December 2007

Sweetcorn and love-bites.

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I weigh 199.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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198.4lbs

Yesterday the space hopper broke and so, as you do, I tore off one of the handles and used it as a horn, narwhal stylee.

Addittionally I stuck it to the head of Dave and our CTO.

I weigh 196.4lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 190.8lbs and all three of us have love-bites on our foreheads.

Wednesday 5 December 2007

Bloody parking tickets.

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Yesterday was poo. I got a parking ticket - there's no point worrying, my permit had run out (not at the END of December as I had thought) and I got a ticket. I do have a permit for the purpose, but I was too busty worrying about the burned baby and forgot to put it in the window of the car and it cost me a fine for Christmas.

Such is life.

I weigh 191.6lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 189.8lbs.

Tomo, on the other hand, weighs fifteen and a half stone, which is far too heavy for a space hopper.

The result of which is a sore bum for Tomo and a broken space hopper.

Which, of course, ended with Rowan running around with fake breasts.



I weigh 196.8lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 193.4lbs

The best eCard I have got so far this Christmas is this offering from Specialized. I heartily recommend it.

Tuesday 4 December 2007

FAT MANLEY!

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I feel rougher than the proverbial badger's posterior.

I also weigh a whopping 199.8lbs, which is far from perfect.

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I am having a poo
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A 1lb poo later and I weigh a tired 198.8lbs. Everyone was irritable last night (except the middle child, in her defence) and the smallest Manley was up in the night.

I picked her up and walked about for an hour or so with her gazing adoringly at me the whole time in silence, but with the clear message that she was awake and that this was a state of consciousness which she intended to maintain.

I weigh 201lbs now.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198.6lbs

Getting a bit tubby again it seems. Anna will be pleased. Have a pun:






UPDATE:

I weigh 198.9lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 197.2lbs

Ill babies make for many poos.




ANOTHER UPDATE:

I weigh 198.2lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 198lbs.

I don't feel terribly well.

Monday 3 December 2007

Bones, both broken and poultry.

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I weigh a surprisingly heavy 199.3lbs, this Monday morning.

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 193lbs.

I have terrible wind from a rather splendid roast chicken I had last night. Since methane is heavier than air I suppose that this constitutes weight loss?

Last night I had to run Adam up to the hospital - he went out on the Warren with his kite and managed to jump into a gust which took him up 30' or so. Understandably he bailed and seems to be pretty busted up, his kite is wet and he's got serious gashes to his arms, as well as what would appear to be a broken foot.


As my neighbour would have said, That'll learn 'im.

Here's a joke (apparently Benedict XVI is addicted to cats):

Sunday 2 December 2007

Haldon revisited.

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I'm going to have to go back up to Haldon again today to give a talk to the Taunton freeride group (along with the Okefreeriders) on the setting up of a not-for-profit organisation and the development of some North Shore building, maintyenance and inspection standards.

I weigh a very tired 196.7lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 193.1lbs and have made a thing:

Saturday 1 December 2007

Red Run Rescue

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We have been working at Haldon for a long time now, and today we are doing some cross-country trailbuilding.

Named 'Red Run Rescue', David Harvey, who has been contracted outside of the Haldon Freeride organisation to work on the rebuilding of the main x-country trail, after it was washed away in the quarry collapse last year, asked if we would assist him.

Since the other 15 or so volunteers are not normally in the woods building, the Geniu and I worked on hauling rocks out of the quarry and transporting them to the site.

Five slightly overloaded trips later and we had a good pile of three ton of rock, the larger ones we moved in under the steam of a power barrow. This is only marginally better, off-road, than a standard wheelbarrow and, for smaller rocks, is worse.

I ran my foot over countless times, but the journey back, riding in the bucket, was marginally more fun than having my teeth pulled.

I am utterly exhausted and weigh 193.1lbs

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I am having a poo
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I weigh 191.8lbs and it is time I slept.